I let time get away from me and now the clock has ticked over to a new day. "Today" I did something I don't talk about often. I went in for my dose of Remicade. One year and four months ago I became unusually sick. Very uncustomary for me. After weeks of great pain we discovered I suffered from Ulcerative Colitis. I don't talk about it often for a few reasons. I don't want attention on the subject of my bowels unless I'm doing stand up and am looking to create an uncomfortable moment or elicit a laugh, and also because I don't think I have it very bad. I was flaring for about a year. That was rough, but most people contract this disease as a teenager. It can constrict normal growth in young people. I had finished growing and had the support of the best caretaker in the world, my wife. In all, I consider myself fortunate for the circumstances. It rains on us all. I'm thankful for a strong umbrella.
Developing a chronic disease hasn't been a complete loss for me. One year and four months ago I was down on life. I wanted to be in Chicago doing stand up or improv; making art on stage. But Chicago was out of reach. Then I found myself in a hospital bed and removed from my family near the holidays. Contemplating life, I came to the conclusion that achieving every goal right away may not be the most important objective. Perhaps dreams will be delayed and obtained through a series of twists and turns. Like taking a route through alleys and back ways rather than the main thoroughfares.
The most important thing, I concluded, was the impression I made along the way, particularly in relation to my son. Actually, on the hospital bed my son was the only thing I was thinking about. I may not accomplish all the many things I hope to accomplish, I reasoned, but if I can be there for my son then that's more worthwhile than anything else.
Thus far, I have been fortunate to spend a great amount of time with my little monster. In my weakest months Kayla was able to earn our paycheck while I kept the baby. When my strength returned and I was actually able to venture outdoors I picked up the workload and she stayed with our tike.We've been fortunate that we haven't needed to work three jobs to meet our needs. My hospital bed resolution is something I remind myself of from time to time. It's ok if I don't make big bank right now.
King is two now and all he wants is for us to sit in his play area and race cars or eat imaginary food from his kitchen or spin in circles till all we can do is roll around on the floor. Sometimes I get frustrated with his interruptions. Can't he see I'm trying to earn a living by blogging or studying this very important bit of JavaScript? And then I say enjoy these days while he wants to play because soon his request will be to play with the other children. And besides, he'll be asleep at nine. Finish your work then, finish your studies then, enjoy your son now. This is what I tell myself when he's pulling at my fingers with all the determination a two year old can muster (it's quite a lot).
A common phrase that gets bantered about goes something like, "live each day like it's your last because no one is promised tomorrow." Think too hard on those words and you're likely to throw yourself into a deep death depression, but at its surface maybe it can just mean enjoy your life while you have it, and enjoy the people who are in it while they are there to enjoy.